The initiation – a sample from the book of Mars, my eternal torment. Again, I want to remind everyone that this demonstration is very hard, and it’s disturbing, The Secret is getting out through this one from the novel, and it’s going to have a life of its own. Please be careful, move forward slowly, don’t rush. It’s time to live and time to die.
But in a moment she awoke unexpectedly, and was elsewhere.
For once she lay on a rock that was cold. She didn’t know where. She stared around, then was startled to find out where he really was. For she saw that it was on some cliff high above a huge underground cave, and she could not actually get off that cliff, because the cliff was only a promontory at the edge of the rock, and there was no escape from it. Then she lay down carefully on the edge and looked full downward.
Below her, in the depths of a giant cave, she saw a strange place. It was a circle of at least twenty tall stones, spaced about ten meters apart. The circle was so huge that she was unable to see it all from that height. She looked intent, and then, unexpectedly, someone touched her shoulder.
She was startled, and stood up, standing on the edge of the cliff, not understanding where the figure had come from.
But after a second of alarm, she calmed down, because the figure, she realized now, was a woman, and she felt that the woman would do her no harm. She was sure of it, so resigned calm took over.
A woman in a red summer dress and a fringe headband with a jewel in the middle smiled at her.
She believed her, and smiled back at once.
„I am Imbalance, Goddess of Underworld Chaos,“ she said, and went on.
“My sister Balance, Goddess of Absolute Equality summons you to her because I, I am out of control again. And she, waiting for you, is down there among the twenty sacred stones in the cave of Rebirth.”
She was uneasy at her words, for she represents the element behind the decay of all she knew, and was acquainted with in the wanderings of the underworld.
‚But how do we get there,‘ Jenny finally asked, ‚is deep,‘ she added.
“There is a way.” She came back within contact distance of Jenny.
„But you, you, unlike me, won’t like it.“
Suddenly Jenny felt the fear, but also the mockery, which came in the form of a frigid Mars wind, just as the wind was at Homeland base at the time of the enemy’s attack to protect the dome.
She couldn’t move or move or do anything.
The woman changed suddenly, and her face, from second to second, aged. Standing in front of her was a hideous crone with hatred and contempt for Jenny.
Immediately after that, the crone took hold of the hard-frozen Jenny’s hand without any warning, and held it in a firm grip that she did not relinquish even as Jenny struggled to break free of the uncomfortable grip. The woman stirred, dragging Jenny by the arm like a helpless slave to the edge of the rock on which they both stood.
Suddenly, there was a step over the edge of the rock, and immediately afterward an unexpected fall, a steep, terrifying fall, as Imbalance, the mean old woman, dragged Jenny over the edge of the rock and, with her, leaped into the deep cave below.
Death, surely come Death. What she’d dreaded all her life would come. But then it dawned on her that her body was elsewhere and she, she was surely back in the underworld again. But there was nothing like it.
She was terribly afraid, but she felt the full force of the fall, as if some evil film in which she was involuntarily starring were passing by.
She felt every inch of the fall, even the wind against her body.
Soon the circle she had seen from above came within reach. She heard a mad laugh, and then the grip on her hand loosened as the evil old woman pulled away from her. She let it swirl in a circle of whirling death itself.
Then Jenny saw the center of the circle in flight, and then, in the next few seconds, right in the center of the circle with full force, with no slowing, she landed.
She felt the bones in her body tearing apart, and the resulting violent physical pain flooded her mind.
Every bone, every pierced organ, even the ribs torn by the impact and piercing the interior of the body, and the ever-present, boiling blood, her blood. She lay there in a circle, watching with her eyes the peak from which she had fallen, and the peak from which she had fallen was high, and more than that.
She had no physical or spiritual strength, was in incredible pain, and could not resist a second. An endless stream of tears of pain poured from their eyes, stained with blood and broken like the rest of their bodies.
She would die, she was sure of it, but death, that Death with a capital D, was still not coming. On the contrary, physical and mental pain came again and again in endless torment. Physically from a broken body, and mentally from failing to understand who had inflicted such cruel torture on her, which she perceives in utter loneliness. Why doesn’t he have a chance to die, and just not be?
“I don’t want to live,” she screamed over and over in pain, but no one seemed to listen.
And then she saw, almost blind, the vague shadow of a figure walking up to her.
She pleaded with the figure for help, unaware in the fog of despair and semi-blindness who he was.
But instead of relieving her endless pain, the figure thrust a dagger into her several times in rapid succession, perhaps shattering the last healthy and undamaged organ in her body. Again the sharp pain, again the completely unstoppable urge to finally breathe out one last time and be free of everything.
Despite everything, even though she was mortally wounded multiple times, but she was still not dying, instead, as if someone were keeping her alive so that he could stab her again and again with thousands of needles of pain.
And then she heard a whistle, as if someone were summoning an unknown predatory animal to a feast, in fact, she realized at once that the figure had summoned someone close by who was looking forward to its fresh flesh and its red, life-glowing blood. Subsequently, at the figure’s command, black felines with sharp fangs protruding from their mouths ran up to her, and with their sharp teeth began to tear the flesh from her body alive, as if they had cut it in a bloody feast.
She screamed in vain that she was still alive and that she wanted to live, but no one responded. Eventually, she still felt fully conscious and even saw with the rest of her vision that the animals had taken her arms and legs, and were carving her up like slaughtered prey.
She no longer had the strength to shout aloud, but she still screamed faintly, at least.
All that remained was screaming, and pain, unstoppable, endless eternal pain. And Jenny, in cruel pain, understood who the figure was, because she had already met her, there on that rock above the cave.
And then the cold came again, the chill of the evil wind, and she, quite suddenly, lost consciousness after this torture.
Her eyes snapped open. And then she burst into tears. Tears flowed as she continued to feel the painful decay of her body and soul. She expected no good. And then, in the next moment, she floated out of her body like a blue split ghost. She looked above her, still attached to her decomposing body by a tiny silver thread.
She saw decay, even the hungry and voracious scavengers who fought at her side over tissue scraps and tore flesh from her body as if it were just an already dead body. Then it dawned on her, it was now a ghost-less corpse, for she was now the ghost who only watched the destruction. But she didn’t mind being on the go, she no longer felt physical pain.
And then she looked further. A strange woman came to her body, laid out in remnants in the dust of a stone cult city made of stone-high menhirs. The woman wore a gorgeous white shining dress adhering to her body with many strange red embroidery in the shape of runes or letters in a language unknown to her.
One thing Jenny understood, though, was that this woman brought Life, for as soon as she came she drove the bloodthirsty creatures away from her broken and torn body, stripped of arms and legs. She chased them away, and eventually the hellcats, listening to their bloodthirsty mistress, fled the scene.
Then she made another movement, drawing a strange white chalk circle around Jenny’s body. And then a second and a third. The drawing, the chalk, literally burned into the surface and stayed on it, and the white paint flashed and pulsed like a living thread connecting Jenny still to life.
After finishing the third circle, she knelt by the third circle, then took out a pouch with which she carried a sharp dagger made entirely of gleaming gold, then cut her palm above the third circle, submerged by part of her body above it.
Blood began to flow like a bloody waterfall from the palm of a woman, just after the painful cut, and soon formed a tiny puddle in the third circle. The woman cried out in pain, but did not flinch until she had finished her work and surrendered the necessary amount of blood to the circle for the ritual.
The blood from her hand fell into the third circle, and it was not just the ordinary red blood of earthly life, but blood that glistened with perhaps all the colors of the rainbow.
She knelt there for a moment, blood running from her palms.
Then she got up, bandaged the wound, and sat down near the circle.
Slowly and surely, the blood in the circle flowed from where it had dripped to the full circle. An observer would have seen that one strand of blood soon became multiple strands that filled the entire third circle. As the third circle was completely filled with blood, so the blood slowly began to flow into the second.
By that point, the woman sitting behind the third circle in a lotus-like sitting was probably praying, and then she began singing a strange song in an unfamiliar language. The song was gentle at first, with occasional stray notes reaching Jenny, but within seconds the singing grew in intensity. She listened to him and felt life, and every note healed her.
And then, again in a little while, the singing became a hymn, not of one but of a thousand voices, and that back filled Jenny with absolute calm.
To the sound of that chant, a second circle of power filled up, and finally, to Jenny’s amazement, the inner first circle, in which lay her torn and perfectly bodily broken body that had belonged to her before that cruel death.
And then, from one second to the next, she returned with her bluish, distraught spirit from her previous state of slow and winding death back to corporeality. She was sucked in by the cold, freezing wind, whether she really wanted it or not.
That was also when the rainbow blood began to touch the broken body.
She was back in her body. She felt it, and the full dose of pain was there again. And then the rainbow blood touched her. It began to sink slowly into her body. For a moment, she saw again from above her body when the second, rainbow blood touched it for the first time.
Her body shuddered, and she didn’t understand. She perceived herself in the physical body, and at the same time viewed herself from a height perspective, both at the same time, in one eternal moment. It was different than before.
She felt the shock again, as if from a body spasm, and then she saw, and at the same time felt, that the body was healing strangely from the inside out. Inside at first, and then, as the rainbow blood covered the entire body in the inner circle, she felt herself healing fully, both inside and out. She could feel the growth of cells that had begun to form her body organs and limbs again. The cleansing and healing bath lasted perhaps a seemingly endless time. It grew with each cell as if it were a living plant that was being renewed again in the rays of the sun.
And then it returned, with a double perception, to the physical body definitively.
She opened her eyes and felt calm. Her body was back from recovery, and she was able to sit in that inner circle in her nakedness in a semi-sitting position.
She looked at her, at the creature, at the beautiful woman shining with life, whose blood had restored to her the sap of life and to her soul a peace beyond anything she had ever known on her journey, both in the stone and the netherworld.
She thanked, thanked, over and over again in all her thoughts, and that thank-you became a chant that traveled through the vast cavern, echoing back and forth, colliding like an imaginary rain on the stones forming the circle in which she sat.
And then, when she had finished her song of gratitude, she immediately rose and walked toward the woman. The latter, seeing that he was walking toward her, did the same and walked toward Jenny. They came together, and, quite naturally, embraced. And then they cried together for a long moment in an embrace. At that moment, with every tear that fell on her from the woman, Jenny was getting a marvellous insight into who she met, and also into what kind of being Jenny was transformed by the ordeal of death and then awakening to life.
She began to fully understand what she now knew, and what she would have to do, in the grip of the fate of her people on Mars, to turn the cruel wheels of the Imbalance hitting the stone world back to the Balance that, and Jenny realized at once, was the very woman she was now in the close embrace of absolute love.
And then came the final realization. She was not just to be a woman, a good shaman, but through all her initiation she suddenly became a warrior, a warrior-capable shaman with the restless spirit of a warrior who was to bring real victories to her people through victorious battles, and thus to rise on Mars to a new people who, after passing through bloody battles, would proudly build a new Mars, which would already rise from the slave spirit of the past as free, without the shackles of Earth and anyone else, now a conglomerate led perhaps by a jupitean evil cabal of murderous triple alliances.
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